Egypt is not Ferguson

Comparing the brutality of the police in Ferguson to that of the police in Egypt is something that is not only wrong; wrong as in the thought process is pathetically flawed; But it is also sad (in a really pathetic way) that instead of us trying to find ways to correct our wrongs we are, yet again, doing our best to justify them, and in a pathetic look-the-US-is-doing-it-too way.

You want to quit smoking?

For 25 years, I have smoked between 1 and 2 packs of cigarettes a day. Sometimes, when I went out late or worked long hours, I smoked up to 3 packs. People who know me would not be able to imagine me without a cigarette. Even worse, I couldn’t imagine myself without a cigarette. Whenever I considered quitting I would start panicking. In the past years, I’ve been thinking about quitting but thought that I was doomed to eternity with cigarettes. That I was not the “type” that could quit. I even convinced myself sometimes by saying “after 25 years, my body is so used to smoking, I would be sick if I quit” or used arguments like “I’d rather live a short happy life than a long and miserable life because I can’t smoke”. I told myself stuff like “it’s because I love cigarettes”.

Suicide at 49?

I was just reading about L'Wren Scott  who committed suicide a few days ago. And it hit me.. Why would someone commit suicide at 49? Shouldn't most of one's existential questions be answered by then? Why would you end a life at such a late age when you're already done with the most difficult bits?

But then I thought again. Why not? I mean having taken the most important part of the ride, why not get off when you're still on top? Who wants to live those last 30 years? Adult diapers? all sorts of pains in every joint, muscle and bone? Memory loss? And all the diseases and medication? People getting bored with you? Missing out on all the new technologies? Wishing to break free from an incapable body? Who wants those?

But then I thought again. Yeah.. Why not take those years? If I measure the increase in my comfort levels with who I am past my 30's and I extrapolate that for the coming 30 years, I can see myself becoming one of the happiest people in the universe. The speed of deterioration in one's mental and physical capabilities with age are much less than the improvement in one's comfort levels with oneself.

I see there are valid arguments for both. It's a personal choice. I just found it a bit surprising that at the age of 49, some people are still struggling with their existence.